A Scientist And A Convict Walk Into A Bar…

Here is one of my favorite short stories I've written. It's funny to see how I've improved since my first cave drawings on the wall. Enjoy as always.

           “Mrs. Kriemhild? What kind of name is that?” Mini put on her best smile, and somehow avoided rolling her eyes. This was a job interview after all.

     “One doesn’t choose their name Doctor,” Rumbled the mountain sized hunk with the chiseled jaw and dark suite hovering above the much smaller Dr. Lazarus Clotho. The Doctor was an enigmatic genius with deep pockets and even deeper government grants. What he wanted with a fashion model was beyond Mini, but as long as it didn’t get kinky she could use the money. Being a widow with four children was expensive.

     Dr. Clotho‘s thin face and crooked nose went through a wealth of wild emotions that Mini couldn’t keep up with. The rumors said he was a bit eccentric, and she was starting to agree. His brown eyes seemed vivid, but untamed underneath his glasses. Like a feral raccoon trapped in a running washer machine.

     “Wait, your first name is Minerva? Like the Goddess? Are you sure that’s your real name?” 

     “My friends just call me Mini Doctor,” Mini’s hand went to her armrest on the weathered leather chair she was sitting on as the office shook. She looked out the massive grandiose windows where she could just peep through the stacks of books, papers, and what looked like abandoned clocks that cluttered the library.

     A second later Mini saw a pair of non terrestrial fighters buzz past the reverse horizon of Space Ring Olympia. That’s right, this fifth ring of the orbital city Himl’s Gate was constructed around the space hangars for the third fleet. She’d have to get used to the constant fighter maneuvers around the two thousand foot long space station. Personally Mini would’ve preferred a wider ring. Three miles across was just too damn cramped.

     If either the fleets’ excessive need to show off its military might bothered the Doctor or his mountain man they didn’t show it. They didn’t even look up when a corvette sized frigate cast a shadow over the overflowing study.

     “Okay, Mini it is. Says here that you were a MMA fighter before a model? How’d you avoid scars?” The Doctor’s eyes danced over Mini’s dark hair, her father’s blue eyes, and her mother’s Swedish ancestry. They weren’t lustful just curious, and full of wild ADHD like enthusiasm.

     “She didn’t get hit much. I saw a couple of matches. Not bad, good technique with the striking, but your ground game needed some work like any street fighter,” Mini grinned up at the bulky blond tank named Jenkins. He must’ve been some kind of bodyguard. He clearly was having trouble fitting into his suite, and Mini felt bad for the loudly protesting wooden stool he sat on. How the unlucky piece of mahogany didn’t just snap under all that muscle was beyond her..

     “Hmm that makes her spicy don’t it Jenkins,” Spicy? What did that mean? Mini thought as the Doctor returned to her file on the small coffee table between them. She hoped it was a good thing, but she wasn’t sure.

     “Oh, you lost your man on Titan. What a sad useless little conflict those civil wars were. My condolences, but that’s why we’re here. To study useless conflicts. Ought to be fun don’t you think?” Mini’s smile grew so fake barbie would’ve been proud.

     It had only been a few months since the official end of the Titan Wars. Joshua had died in a freak accident guarding a politician during an exotic game hunt on the tiny moon. He’d survived three wars, twenty major injuries, and the fiercest battles in the last century. They’d even nicknamed him the “Immortal Marine God”. That name had always made him laugh.

     “Anyway,” Mini’s mind jumped out of its hidden sorrow, and back to her interview at the sound of the Doctor’s voice. She needed this job. The pathetic stipend she got for being a marine’s widow wasn’t going to get her kids into college, and her pain wasn’t going to keep the kids fed.

     “What you think Jenkins? She distracting enough, but believable?” It was Jenkins turn to eye Mini over. His expression was a bit harder to read, but Mini was used to attention so it didn’t bother her much. Presently, Jenkins nodded letting a slight smile crease his rugged face.

     “Excellent! You’re hired! Here’s a bonus!” Dr. Clotho pulled a wade of a thousand dollar universal credit slips out of a pocket, and tossed it into Mini’s shocked face. A quick look told her there was enough currency here for all of her kids to not just go to college, but enter Ivy League schools too. 

     Okay, this man was insane, but Mini wasn’t going to complain. She stuffed the wade of cash into her white purse that contrasted nicely with her professional, but appealing black dress.

     “Jenkins go to the strip club, and get us a lab coat. My new assistant needs one,” Jenkins got up without a word and left the cramped study dodging the leaning towers of books, ineligible papers, and the odd piece of experimental equipment. Wait did he say strip club?

     “Um, Dr. Clotho I’m not going to be doing anything exotic for you am I? Because otherwise…”

     “Exotic? Like what? Shooting a lion? Messing with the genetic code of a lion? If only I was a biologist just think of all the illegal crazy experiments I could’ve made. Oh well, quantum physics suits me better. My name is Clotho not Frankenstein after all.” Mini blinked a couple of times at the Doctor as he laughed at his own joke. Somehow she didn’t think they were on the same page so she tried again.

     “Doctor you said strip club.”

     “Yeah! They got lab coats. It’s a fetish thing, but don’t worry there fine. Look I’m wearing one too,” Clotho opened his white coat showing the logo made out of an over endowed nurse. 

     “Wait, you thought I wanted you to strip? Na your job is simple. Have you ever worked for a magician?” Mini shook her head. She was relieved, but now even more confused.

     “You’re my pretty assistant that I bring out just before I set my trick. You distract them, and then while they’re unbalanced I wow them. It’s going to be fun,” Mini didn’t like that mad grin on the Doctor’s face, but then felt the bulge of money in her purse and decided not to care. 

     Thirty minutes later Mini was standing with a tight rigid spine next to Jenkins. They both stood behind the Doctor in a dark windowless room devoid of all features except for a metal table and two chairs. Dr. Clotho was in one, and the other sat empty. 

     She’d tied her hair into a serious bun, and was now wearing Dr. Clotho’s spare pair of glasses which were incidentally fake since the Doctor had perfect vision. Her new “lab coat” of dubious origins was buttoned up over her dress. Mini figured she did kind of look like an assistant. She just did her best not to think about where the lab coat might’ve been, or what the stains were from..

     Mini almost jumped out of her skin when the door slammed open. Two men in “special” police uniforms stormed in with a third man in between them. His head was covered by a bag, and he wore a jumpsuit that read Hade’s Prison Complex on the sleeves. 

     The two goons slammed the convict into the open chair, ripped off the bag, then left. The convict snorted and blinked in the bright light of the barren cube that passed for a room. He had a shaved military haircut, and tattoos that marked him as Special Forces Operative. His look reminded Mini of the feral cat her son had brought home one summer from her father’s ranch on Mars. He looked beaten and worn, but still waiting to tear your face off.

     “Sergeant Maverick welcome to your job interview,” Maverick’s cold grey eyes weren’t amused. They studied the dark corners around him, then the Doctor, then Jenkins, and finally they rested on Mini. She held her serious pose as ordered. She had to avoid laughing when even the sergeant lingered over her for a few seconds longer than necessary, and he wasn’t looking at her eyes. That’s right, four kids later and Mini still had it. 

     “Maverick, do you know what you get for helping me?”

     “Time off my sentence.”

     “Not quite, you get to be banished to another timeline.”

     “What?” Mini’s ears started burning too. What were they doing now? 

     “I have a time machine and I want you to go through it, and because I’m eccentric I want you to kill King Henry the VIII. Can you handle that?” The confusion that washed over Maverick’s features matched Mini’s hidden feelings. 

     “You want me to kill a British King in the Dark Ages?”

     “It’s debatable how dark they were, but yes. Still, this is a one way trip. My baby is like a gate, and it only opens one way. You in?” Maverick went silent. Before he could say anything else Clotho gestured for Mini to walk forward. It was time to earn her paycheck, her very questionable paycheck. 

     She sauntered forward just like the sexy, but serious assistant that drove the average male crazy. Maverick’s eyes flicked to her when she opened up a briefcase, and spread several photos on the table.

     “This is the monastery at Laskill. After you’re done with King Henry go there. Then you can do what you want as long as the monks and their work is protected. What do you say?” Mini pushed up her fake glasses while trying to be distracting and professional at the same time. This seemed weird, but it worked.  Jenkins had enough time to sneak behind the convict, and prick him with a long needle.

     “Easy Maverick, that was just something for the trip; we both know you don’t want to go back to your cell in subspace right?” Maverick cussed, and glared at the faces around him then nodded.

     “Excellent! To my baby!” Clotho led the way to a wall where a secret passage appeared. The long throat like hall past the hidden door led to a chamber dominated by a metal ring surrounded by what looked like Tesla coils.

     “Don’t mind all the junk. That’s just fluff to make her look cool. Got to impress those politicians with deep pockets, and they like them some sparkling coils,” Clotho said with excited hand motions. He started inputting commands into a computer making the machine hum. Jenkins handed Maverick some medieval looking clothes, a crossbow, a small axe, and a quiver full of bolts.

     “No guns,” Jenkins said when Maverick eyed the crossbow.

     Mini looked up with a start when a swirling mass of electricity danced around the ring. Clotho was laughing making the scene unnerving, and the ex-supermodel had little doubt the Doctor was enjoying his mad scientist routine. Mini watched as a fuzzy image appeared in the gate. It rippled like a pond, and then through it she could see a road with medieval soldiers in their armor marching along.

     “Go Maverick! Fly be free!” The Doctor yelled over the noise. The convict spat then with a rush jumped through the gate. His body rippled then appeared on the endless green fields beyond the ring. With a loud electric snap the machine shut off, and Clotho jumped out of his seat.    

     “Jenkins that went well don’t you think? Who’s next on the list?”

     “Genghis Khan,” Jenkins said after checking his notebook.

     “Excellent! That job is a full two hours out. Get things ready for our trip,” Clotho grinned wildly as Jenkins left out another hidden passage. Mini was wondering what she should be doing when Clotho started talking almost more to himself than to her.

     “You want to know why I want to kill King Henry the VIII? Of course you do! That useless punk of a monarch sacked the monasteries, and their system of sharing scientific knowledge. Now you’re wondering what is so special about what they were building at Laskill right?”

     To be honest Mini wasn’t thinking that at all. She was still reeling at the whole time travel bit. Was it real? Could she believe her own eyes? Maybe it was some kind of trick. But what would be the point of that? And why pay her so much money to be in an elaborate hoax? The Doctor of course didn’t seem to see how little Mini was following his rambling, and so continued as his hands danced across his keyboard.

     “Those crafty monks were on the verge of creating forges that could make caste iron! Think of it. That is the key ingredient for an industrial revolution made a full two centuries before the industrial revolution. What would’ve happened if there was no King Henry VIII, and those science minded monks had continued their work? I have no idea, but we’re going to find out.”

     Something about that last statement kicked Mini out of her stupor. Were they going to walk through that ring? That definitely was not in the job description. That also should’ve held her attention, but instead a certain question filled her thoughts.

     “Doctor, if something had changed wouldn’t we already know or never even had this conversation? You just changed everything by sending him back in time,” Right, that was what was so confusing. 

     Everything should’ve been different. Mini had heard about it because her oldest daughter was on a science fiction kick, and was watching reruns of all kinds of classic shows. They called it the grasshopper effect? No, it was the butterfly effect.

     For probably the first time in the model’s life her job required scientific thought. Now she actually wished she’d paid attention back in high school even if she’d already started her MMA career, and was getting married to a marine.

     “Oooh where were you hiding that incite? A step above the average supermodel I see just as your file suggested. Still, you seem to have a common misconception of time travel dear lady.” Clotho was smiling his insane grin, and jumped over to a desk buried in what once were important accounting files by the looks of them. With a huff he threw them on the floor then retrieved a holo pad from their scattered remains.

     “See there are two prevalent theories bordering on science fiction when it comes to time travel. The first is that you can’t change anything, or more accurately if you had gone back in time that had always happened. Basically, you going back was always part of the timeline. Whatever you do is what led to that timeline see?”

     Mini nodded even though she was still confused, but it sounded a lot like that Terminator movie dug up in the archives back on Earth. The archeologists were still showing it off every couple of years. 

     Whatever the humans or the killer robots did in the movie made the future come about that they were attempting to alter. She never thought it would be so helpful to have a nerdy daughter even if she shrugged off that modeling gig Mini had gotten for her. Children could be so difficult.

     “I’ll take that thoughtful silence as a yes,” Mini nodded thanking her father for his stoic expression when ignoring others. That had always driven mother crazy when both Mini and her father had teamed up against her.

     “What you were describing, you high functioning supermodel you, is the second theory which states that anything you do could change everything in a series of cascading events. Kill a deer and because one deer didn’t have babies a deer down the road wasn’t born who would’ve killed a young child in a car crash who now that he survived destroyed all of humanity in a fit of mad scientific rage! Ha! I bet that’s happened at least once.”

     Now Mini was sure she was lost. How could that have happened? Well, the Doctor seemed to like answering questions so she decided to ask.

     “How could it have happened already Doctor? I mean, wouldn’t humanity have been wiped out if it had?”

     “Ah yes, but you see this is where my theories that made baby over there come into play,” if Dr. Clotho’s eyes were wild before they were insane with glee now. Kind of like a corgi given LSD, and a flashy new bone to play with.

     “See what we just did was send the good sergeant into a parallel timeline meaning another dimension specifically the one where we chose to send him. Or you could say Destiny had always picked out for him. Now mind, I said Destiny not Fate. She never did like meddling with timelines, but really it’s not meddling sense it was always supposed to happen. Wait I’ve lost you haven’t I?” Mini nodded. Yeah, she was pretty lost now. Was he being poetic with that whole Fate thing?

     “Okay so,” the mad scientist dragged up a stool, and held up his holo pad. A few swishes of his hands brought up several parallel lines of multiple colors shimmering through the air,” Imagine that each of these lines is a timeline. All of them representations of the different choices we could have made, and different universes that would’ve resulted from that. It can be little, it can be large like physics having alternate rules. You name it there is a universe or timeline for it.” 

     Mini blinked and stared at the lines. She could actually follow what he was saying now. She hoped that wasn’t a sign of her going insane too.

     “Alright, so what baby over here does is send you to another point on a different timeline. So imagine this line here is our timeline,” Dr. Clotho pointed to a pulsing red string in the air, and with his finger drew a blue thread to a point on a yellow green line,” My machine opens a portal to cross to this timeline where Maverick was always meant to be sent. See ours is the line where he wasn’t sent back, and now this new one that we sent him to was the one he has always been sent to.” 

     “See the beauty of this theory is it doesn’t say one or the other theories on time is false or true. It says that they’re both true. For you see if I do build another baby, and I’m working on that now by the way, that can send you or me back along our timeline nothing would change because that had already happened. None of the lines can be changed, but there is a different universe for every possibility. Maddening isn’t it?! Don’t worry, I’ll have you raving and as nutty as me in no time.”

     Dr. Clotho laughed loudly, and jumped back to the computer leaving the holographic lines in the middle of the room. Mini’s mind was reeling. Her gears grinding through the implications of how things could not change yet every change was not only possible, but already happened. Gah, this was why she avoided all the higher physics thinking. She was a simple girl deep down.  She wanted a simple life so what was she getting into?

     The thought was interrupted by another wad of bills being tossed her way by Jenkins as he entered the room. He carried all kinds of equipment and food, and behind him several drones followed loaded down with supplies. Mini raised an eyebrow when she saw a pack of flying security drones following the little parade.

     “That,” called Dr. Clotho pointing at the money in her hand,” Is your hazard pay. Should be more than generous, and if something goes wrong the insurance policy will be more than enough to build ten babies over here. Let me tell you she wasn’t cheap. Oh, and just so you know we can get back because we are going to build another baby in the timeline where the sergeant just killed the King. This is going to be fun, right Jenkins!”

     Mini jumped as the portal kicked on again. The procession of drones marched, drove, and flew through the shimmering pond window with Jenkins close behind. He walked as if jumping universes was as normal as hamburgers or his bulging muscles.

     She gulped look down at the bills, and sucked in a breath. Suddenly, Mini remembered why she was doing this. Their entire family could retire for life if she did a couple more jobs at this rate. Hazard pay huh? Why not? She’d come this far.

     “What are you waiting for doll face? Time to go see what our good friend Maverick has been up to!” Dr. Clotho called. He picked up a pack and skipped into the portal. Mini took a deep breath, looked at the rolling fields now covered with drones, and walked through the strange bubbling window. Mini realized at that moment that this was going to be a very long day.